One thing that’s really been on my heart lately has been how I’m spending my time. There was a time in my life where I was all about time management, productivity, getting as much done as I could, being “efficient”, etc. I even wrote a book on it!

However, ever since I stopped being a full-time restaurant manager and started becoming a full-time homemaker and mom, I’ve been going through a gradual learning process about who I am as a woman, God’s intention for me, and ultimately… how I need to be spending my time. 

In the last year, I’ve dynamically changed the way I was pursuing God. I’ve gone from Him being a check off the to-do list every day, to Him being a constant companion in every moment. I’ll admit there are still days where I spend time with Him for 5 minutes and ask for His forgiveness as I immediately have to dive into the day’s activities, but I’ve discovered there is absolutely a way to include Him in everything throughout the day. 

I choose Him in my music choices, my entertainment choices (well… frequently anyway ;). I still enjoy good fantasy films and shows!) I listen to at least 1 sermon, even a short teaching or podcast daily. I choose to focus my thoughts on Him and His word. For example, in the small moments where I’m feeling the stress rising and I’m losing my patience, this is where I stumble the most. I lose my temper, I don’t handle things the best. However, I’ve begun to learn to surrender it to the Lord, ask for His peace and patience to calm myself, and if I have messed up, I apologize to my family. 

But despite all that, I still felt off somehow.

I’ve been struggling with an inner conflict of wanting to be productive with my time with the gifts, talents, and abilities I’ve been given but not neglect the true purpose God has placed before me. 

I actually asked myself the question, “Am I wasting my gifts and talents? Will God be pleased with me if all I do is make sure my home is clean, my family is fed, and my children are raised according to the Scriptures? Is it enough?”

Today for my coffee date with Jesus, I was listening to a message from a missionary who has traveled around the world, but especially Africa, and witnessed some amazing miracles and moving of the Holy Spirit. And something he shared really struck me. 

He said that if we could do anything in and of ourselves that could bring about the works of God, then Jesus had no need to go to the cross. Actually, Paul said this same thing in Galatians 2:21b “for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain.” Saying, if we could stand right before God only by our good works of following the law, we wouldn’t need Jesus. But we do. Because we all fall short.

The point the missionary in the video was making was that it doesn’t matter if I spend all my time praying, fasting, reading the Word, etc. Nor does it matter if I spend all my time just being a mom and cleaning my house. Nor does it matter if I spend all my time pursuing my dreams and ambitions. Nor if I am only focused on service using my gifts and talents. 

I do think it’s important for me to balance these things and not spend all my time on only one of them. And I think that the work God has placed before me immediately is the most important: being a mom and a wife (which means a clean home and food on the table, among other things). It reminds me of how Paul also said to do all to the glory of God, no matter what we do (1 Corinthians 10:31). 

Anyway, the point was that whatever I do doesn’t have value because I’m doing it. It has value because of the blood of Jesus which has been washed over me. He was saying that God involves us in His work because He is good and He loves us. Not because we are so amazing, or so righteous, or so godly. He works through us in everything we do as His vessels, His children, His representatives to others. 

I was also a bit convicted because I was driving home from the grocery store the other day and witnessed a car wreck on the other side of the street. I didn’t see much due to the other cars, but I did see a group of people carrying someone away from the damaged car. As I was preparing to cross the intersection when the light turned green, I felt a prompting to pull over in the parking lot of that corner, get out and pray over the people involved in the accident. I quickly thought of a million reasons why I couldn’t. I had the kids in the car. It looked like the situation was already being cleaned up. What if I looked crazy. What if, what if, what if…

What if I was the one passing at just that moment because God was calling me to be the representative for Him to those people? It reminded me of Esther, how she was where she was for such a time as her situation. I immediately felt heavy in my heart and repented before the Lord. I asked Him for another opportunity to follow His leading instead of running away.

And I was reminded that God doesn’t depend on me spending all of my time in one particular way. He can move and work in everything, every little moment. Even a random moment in passing as I’m going about the business of the day, where I can stop and take 5 minutes to share His light with others. I just need to be faithful and obedient to His leading in those moments, whether it be with my children, with friends, or with total strangers.